Becoming a parent can be one of the biggest changes in a person’s life. It’s no secret that you need to be prepared for some sleepless nights, but there is so much more to it than that, especially for mums.

The first few months after having a baby can feel overwhelming and alongside the highs your new addition brings, there are also several lows that you might not expect. Some mothers lose a sense of their identity or find it difficult to navigate advice from well-meaning friends and family, not to mention everything we see on social media. Trying to find time to make sure your basic needs are met isn’t always easy.

Postnatal depression and misconceptions

Nikki Steele-Osborne, also known as The Scottish Soul Sister, suffered from postnatal depression after the birth of her son “I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a mum,” she says. “I was 40 when I got pregnant and I thought this is it now, my dream has come true. But I was so emotional after giving birth. It wasn’t a particularly traumatic delivery, so it wasn’t about that, I just didn’t feel right.

“People think that postnatal depression is about not being able to bond with your baby – if you Google it, this is what you’ll find. But I never felt like that. I felt the opposite – I was so overwhelmingly in love with him, I felt I was never going to be good enough to be his mum.

“It wasn’t a consistent feeling, there were times when everything was amazing but the waves of feeling tearful, hopeless, overwhelmed, sad, isolated and disconnected would wash back over me, stealing this precious time with my son. It took 18 months for me to talk to an external person about how I was feeling. It wasn’t a quick fix but after a few sessions with a counsellor, followed by a two-day retreat led by a friend of mine who is a life coach, I had learned some tools to help me turn things around.”

The birth of The Scottish Soul Sister

On the back of her mental health journey, Nikki created her business The Scottish Soul Sister in which she offers one-to-one online coaching sessions and provides a safe space for mums to talk.

Nikki has also created the innovative Stepping Into Parenthood online guide which is a 10-step process to help mums identify and meet their needs. This may sound obvious, but as most parents will know, once you have a child it’s easy to put yourself to the bottom of the pile.

The guide includes practical activities to help mums and dads reassess what is important and navigate the unchartered waters they might find themselves in.

The six human needs

Nikki explains: “We each have a list of basic human needs which can be thrown off course when we have a baby”. These are:

• Certainty: the assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure.
• Variety: the need for the unknown, new stimulus.
• Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed.
• Love and Connection: closeness or union with someone or something.
• Growth: expansion of capacity, capability or understanding.
• Contribution: a sense of service and focus on giving to and supporting others."

“Stepping Into Parenthood looks at how we can bring these elements back into our lives and make time for them. We look at everything from sustainable self-care and improving our living environment, to meal planning, budgeting and developing passion projects.”